With the invisible rapture behind us, I’ve moved on to the next thing to stress about and prepare for: zombie apocalypse. Seeing as we have 5 months to prepare for the world to be destroyed on October 21 (according to Camping’s teachings), I thought I would shuffle my panic accordingly.
To be fair, this new threat has caught me quite off-guard. With my eye on the rapture (according to Camping), I completely missed the Center for Disease Control (CDC)‘s May 16, 2011 emergency preparedness blog regarding a Zombie Apocalypse. This is what I get for being asleep at the wheel!
To save the day, the CDC has compiled a checklist for people like me, who didn’t have this disaster on her radar. I’m just going to highlight a few comments from the checklist.
2) Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…
3) Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team.
4) Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance!
Now, if you are anything like me, you read the comments. “Why read comments?” you might ask. After all, the entity that wrote the article has included all relevant information, right? Usually, yes. However, there are times when comments can reveal an additional layer of information.
Here are some gems I’ve gleaned from the comments, and will shortly be adding to my lists:
“I might suggest adding a baseball bat, preferably aluminum, to your emergency kit as well. It doesn’t require ammunition and can be highly effective at clearing a path through hordes of zombies whilst trying to make good your escape.”
Then there was a link to the Zombie Squad (We Make Things Deader): http://zombiehunters.org/whatiszs.php “Zombie Squad is an elite zombie suppression task force ready to defend your neighborhood from the shambling hordes of the walking dead. We provide trained, motivated, skilled zombie extermination professionals and zombie survival consultants. Our people and our training are the best in the industry. “
Also from Zombie Squad (We Make Things Deader), “We want to make sure you are prepared for any crisis situation that might come along in your daily life which may include having your face eaten by the formerly deceased.”
“It really depends on the zombies. If they’re Romero/Brooks, slow, lumbering zombies, a baseball bat will work just fine. Not so if they’re the Zack Snyder fast zombies. Running zombies change everything.”
Now I’m really freaked. I had not considered the variables in the zombie threat. I shall have to research diligently to come to conclusions.
In response to the checklist, my oldest dd has informed me that, “Ya, right. If a zombie comes and eats your head off, the jug of water and bandaids are really gonna help.” Can you see what smart, logically thinking kids I have?
“human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead” I’m not sure I trust someone who doesn’t do research. this person doesn’t know anything about folklore, classic (or Romero), or modern zombies. Only the Return of the Living Dead (John A Russo’s breed) eat brains.” See, this is why I read the comments. I would have never known that!
“Seriously, guys. Everyone knows that the refugee camp is the LAST place you want to go in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Hasn’t experience taught us anything?” Hmmm, good point. Will have to think about that.
“The Zombie Preparedness book is already out! : http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalguide/index2.html“
“We at Zombie Training have been training for years. I give the CDC a B+ for effort however. But for the real deal check us out, we will educate your brain, not eat it.http://www.zombietraining.com“
“If you want to learn to survive the undead horde enroll in ZombieSchool.org\’s online courses.” Ooooo, now that is information I can take to the bank!
“Not to be picky, but any way you can begin investigating BEFORE zombies actually are roaming the streets? Might cut down on a few problems…”
Oh my, I could go on and on. The comments are fabulous, thought-provoking jewels! I have my research cut out for me.
The last comment I shared, though, just gave me pause. The idea of prevention has been weighing heavily on my mind, particularly since yesterday. What happened yesterday? Yesterday, I read an article that told of six seismologists and a lone government official who are being tried for manslaughter for failing to predict a 6.3 earthquake that killed over 300 people in 2009.
Yes, you read that right. Italian officials have jailed - and are trying in a court of law - people for failing to predict a deadly earthquake. This kind of “thinking” blows my mind. It’s just incredulous to me. Seriously?
Well, maybe the zombie apocalypse will happen first, and they won’t have to worry about it. I am glad to be an American, where the CDC is ahead of the curve.
Whew. Thanks, CDC! I feel better already!